Sunday, October 01, 2006
Getting Out and About
The weekend was generally good. Actually yesterday was really good. Went soccer shopping with a couple of friends because Nicole needed cleats. Then we bought food at the grocery store and headed up to The Butte to go hiking.
At the bottom of the hill we came across some blackberry bushes, and Nicole insisted that we stop to pick some. Which turned out to be an awesome idea because those berries were amazing. Succulent, ripe and 100% natural. I've never picked any sort of wild fruit before, so that was a hell lotta fun.
Then we hiked up the Butte, with Nicole running ahead for most of it. The girl's got bounds and bounds of energy. It's incredible. It was sunny but not too hot, no clouds in the sky, really the perfect day for a hike. When we got to the top, we found somewhere to sit and busted out some strawberries and sushi.
So calming. So serene. It made me glad that I'd decided to go hiking instead of sitting home and watchign football — which is exactly what I would have done instead.
And of course it was nice to hang out with Nicole. She's a shitload of fun, and I definitely want to get to know her better.
We stayed on the top, just chilling, till about 6 p.m. Then I came home, played some tennis, and had dinner with Fitty.... which turned into a 3-hour conversation, a good bit of which was about Shadra.
Later, when I was hanging out with Tom — he was in town for a night before driving south to start his new job — Jared called me. He was going to meet Shadra. So he ended up giving her the phone and telling her to say hi to me.
Which she did. She was sloshed, and she told me to calm the fuck down, to which I promptly replied "No, you calm the fuck down!" and we went back and forth playing our little game till she told me that that game was one of the things she missed most about me.
Uh, ye-ah... not sure if that was exactly the thing that I wanted to hear most. But you take what you can get right?
She also mentioned again that the flask I gave her is the coolest thing she owns. And we ended the conversation with her saying that she might be planning a trip down to Eugene with her boyfriend.
Uh yeah.
It's not that I don't want to see her. I do. And it was good to talk to her. Especially because I haven't talked to her in like three months. But at the same time, talking to Fitty about her, then hearing her voice, then talking to her all culminated in me ending my great day feeling kinda shitty.
And that's how I woke up this morning. With a churning sea of emotions wreaking havoc inside me.
Over her. But every now and then, when I hear her voice, or talk to someone else about her on a level that me and Fitty were discussing the situation, something loosens, and then suddenly it all floats up to the surface again. The emotions. The mindfuck. And the pain. And then I re-remember how much I liked her. Loved her even. And then it hurts all over again till I finally suppress it and force it to go back into hiding... until the next attack.
Kinda scarred?
Maybe.
Just a little.
At the bottom of the hill we came across some blackberry bushes, and Nicole insisted that we stop to pick some. Which turned out to be an awesome idea because those berries were amazing. Succulent, ripe and 100% natural. I've never picked any sort of wild fruit before, so that was a hell lotta fun.
Then we hiked up the Butte, with Nicole running ahead for most of it. The girl's got bounds and bounds of energy. It's incredible. It was sunny but not too hot, no clouds in the sky, really the perfect day for a hike. When we got to the top, we found somewhere to sit and busted out some strawberries and sushi.
So calming. So serene. It made me glad that I'd decided to go hiking instead of sitting home and watchign football — which is exactly what I would have done instead.
And of course it was nice to hang out with Nicole. She's a shitload of fun, and I definitely want to get to know her better.
We stayed on the top, just chilling, till about 6 p.m. Then I came home, played some tennis, and had dinner with Fitty.... which turned into a 3-hour conversation, a good bit of which was about Shadra.
Later, when I was hanging out with Tom — he was in town for a night before driving south to start his new job — Jared called me. He was going to meet Shadra. So he ended up giving her the phone and telling her to say hi to me.
Which she did. She was sloshed, and she told me to calm the fuck down, to which I promptly replied "No, you calm the fuck down!" and we went back and forth playing our little game till she told me that that game was one of the things she missed most about me.
Uh, ye-ah... not sure if that was exactly the thing that I wanted to hear most. But you take what you can get right?
She also mentioned again that the flask I gave her is the coolest thing she owns. And we ended the conversation with her saying that she might be planning a trip down to Eugene with her boyfriend.
Uh yeah.
It's not that I don't want to see her. I do. And it was good to talk to her. Especially because I haven't talked to her in like three months. But at the same time, talking to Fitty about her, then hearing her voice, then talking to her all culminated in me ending my great day feeling kinda shitty.
And that's how I woke up this morning. With a churning sea of emotions wreaking havoc inside me.
Over her. But every now and then, when I hear her voice, or talk to someone else about her on a level that me and Fitty were discussing the situation, something loosens, and then suddenly it all floats up to the surface again. The emotions. The mindfuck. And the pain. And then I re-remember how much I liked her. Loved her even. And then it hurts all over again till I finally suppress it and force it to go back into hiding... until the next attack.
Kinda scarred?
Maybe.
Just a little.
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