The Steffiverse

Sometimes I think maybe I do love him... not love exactly because it almost scares me to throw that word around... if not love, something very very close to it.

He's the only guy I've ever met who actually gets me in a lot of ways. And he's my equal both intellectually and professionally. He no longer wants to be a journalist, but he still understands the profession. And that's why he's always my trouble shooter everytime I find that I've backed myself into an alley with my job and am trying to figure shit out.

Like today. I got a call from the editor of Ducks Ill. He wanted to know if I'd be interested in writing for his magazine. I told him I'd be willing to cover the tennis teams for him.

See, originally when I approached Luke (next year's sports editor) about the possibility of covering tennis next year, he was kinda hesitant. He said it'd be a lot of work on top of my other beats: I'm doing soccer in the fall, women's basketball in the winter, and women's track in the spring. Tennis is dead in the fall, but it picks up in the winter and spring. And Luke felt that that would be too much for me.

And honestly, maybe he's right. Maybe it is. But I also know that I REALLY REALLY want to cover tennis. I want to follow this team and I'd told myself that I'd go to all their home games next year regardless of whether I'm reporting or not.

So when Ducks Ill said they'd let me do tennis, I jumped at the chance. And then I had a brainwave. I called my editors at the ODE and said that since I was ALREADY going to be watching all the tennis team's matches because I'm covering the team for Ducks Ill, it really made absolutely no sense to send another freelancer out to cover tennis for the Emerald if they ALREADY had someone on staff who was going to have to be there.

I guess they saw my point. And the agreement we came up with was that I would cover tennis for both Ducks Ill AND the Emerald on top of the soccer, basketball and track stuff that I'll be doing for the Emerald too.

Right after I'd secured the beat, I ran into Baba on her way to practice. And I told her the good news — that I was going to be covering the team next year. And she was really excited. Because they'd all told me that they wanted me back on the beat next year.

But then I started thinking about it. Thinking about how I've become something close to friends with Baba. And how that could hypothetically compromise my professional judgment. And even if it didn't, I feel like it's a scandal waiting to happen you know? It just muddies the waters so much more.

So I called Clarence to talk it out. And he was just amazing. Invaluable. A sounding board. I guess I needed him to tell me a lot of the stuff that I already knew. I just needed someone to tell me that I was getting in over my head. He did all that and more.

He convinced me to NOT give up the beat — which was what I was actually thinking of doing when I called him. Because here's the thing: it all comes down to Professional vs. Personal.

On one hand, I LOVE covering tennis. I know the game so well. And I've got a great relationship with the team. They trust me. They know I'm fair. They tell me things that I believe they probably wouldn't tell other reporters. And I produce great stories because of it. So keeping tennis on my plate is one way of almost guaranteeing that I will win another shitload of awards next year.

But on the other hand, I like these girls. Especially Baba. We've just got a really good relationship. And I had an amazing time hanging out with her last night.

As of last night, when I was still under the impression that I wouldn't be covering tennis next year, I became convinced that I wanted to foster the growth of this friendship. And that I wanted to party with these girls next year.

Today, things are different. And I realized that keeping up this thing with her would be asking for trouble.

So I guess that's why I've decided to keep the beat, but keep the friendship stuff to a minimum. That's the only way we'll ALL benefit: I get my favorite beat and a chance at another armful of awards, they get good coverage written by someone who really cares about their program.

And like Clarence said, the season doesn't last forever. We can be friends when they're done playing, and when Baba goes into the pros and I end up writing her biography.

It'll work. We'll make it work. Because regardless of everything else, I'm determined to have some sort of part in this team's success next year.

I just have to make sure I handle this potentially-complicating situation properly. Because honestly, I've got a feeling that it's going to keep coming up in my career.

See here's my thing: I'm a personable person. People take to me easily. They like me. I can't help that. And in my job, it's a pretty good asset to have because that allows me to form a rapport with my subjects that will turn into a good relationship, which in turn will manifest itself in better, more human stories.

But at the same time, because I make friends so easily, it's always HARD to keep everything strictly professional. I always end up having some sort of emotional stake in my subject. And that can't be helped. It can be a powerful tool if used the right way. But if I'm not careful, it's also the thing that will one day fuck me over.