Sunday, July 30, 2006
Regroup, Recover, Restart
Yes I know. I haven't blogged in more than a week, which is fairly unusual.
But we got back from Spokane really early Wednesday morning, and I spent the next couple of days in a weird funk. Part of it was because I suddenly realized that I had to get back into the daily grind, go to work, worry about finding stories, and be responsible again.
See Spokane was definitely a vacation for me. I got to NOT worry about ANYTHING for a full six days. Not worry about when my next story was due, not worry about where I'd find the time to write it. It was bliss. Pure bliss.
But the other part of the funk stemmed from the fact that while I did have fun on the trip, it also reopened old wounds that I struggled to deal with during those first few days back in Eugene.
I missed her. It was more than that even. I missed her but realized that there was nothing I could do about it. She had a new life. And if I wanted to be part of that, I'd have to wait it out. Just wait.
That week I spent up there was the most amount of time I've ever spent with her intensively. I lived in her apartment for six days. We talked, we hung out. She just seems so much happier up there. So much more relaxed.
That was the problem in some ways because on my part at least, I think we reconnected. When she'd left Eugene, I'd been in a semi-pissed off mood because of the way the last few days had ended up playing out. But in Spokane, I think I rediscovered what I'd liked about her to begin with.
Which doesn't help matters since she's now back to the stage where she's saying she's straight. Still that didn't stop us from ending up together on Saturday night.
One step forward, two steps back. That's how it seems with this one.
I know I won't have any sort of a chance with her any time soon. But I've made my peace with that. Let's focus on staying friends for now. Something in me tells me that we're not done yet, and that given time and space, we might have something in the future.
I just have to keep remembering that.
And now the next thing I've got to focus on is moving. Packing and moving to my new apartment. Ugh. This is gonna be painful.
But we got back from Spokane really early Wednesday morning, and I spent the next couple of days in a weird funk. Part of it was because I suddenly realized that I had to get back into the daily grind, go to work, worry about finding stories, and be responsible again.
See Spokane was definitely a vacation for me. I got to NOT worry about ANYTHING for a full six days. Not worry about when my next story was due, not worry about where I'd find the time to write it. It was bliss. Pure bliss.
But the other part of the funk stemmed from the fact that while I did have fun on the trip, it also reopened old wounds that I struggled to deal with during those first few days back in Eugene.
I missed her. It was more than that even. I missed her but realized that there was nothing I could do about it. She had a new life. And if I wanted to be part of that, I'd have to wait it out. Just wait.
That week I spent up there was the most amount of time I've ever spent with her intensively. I lived in her apartment for six days. We talked, we hung out. She just seems so much happier up there. So much more relaxed.
That was the problem in some ways because on my part at least, I think we reconnected. When she'd left Eugene, I'd been in a semi-pissed off mood because of the way the last few days had ended up playing out. But in Spokane, I think I rediscovered what I'd liked about her to begin with.
Which doesn't help matters since she's now back to the stage where she's saying she's straight. Still that didn't stop us from ending up together on Saturday night.
One step forward, two steps back. That's how it seems with this one.
I know I won't have any sort of a chance with her any time soon. But I've made my peace with that. Let's focus on staying friends for now. Something in me tells me that we're not done yet, and that given time and space, we might have something in the future.
I just have to keep remembering that.
And now the next thing I've got to focus on is moving. Packing and moving to my new apartment. Ugh. This is gonna be painful.
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