Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Off to Spokane
So... I guess I've spent most of today in a state of elated semi-disbelief. After a week of working my butt off, I suddenly realized today that it's REALLY happening. I don't have to worry about work for six whole blissful days. Angie and I are off to Spokane tomorrow. To see Shadra and Jared.
Angie and Jared are obviously going to have a blissful reunion and spend the next few days on Cloud 9 together. That much is evident. But thinking about that made me wonder. About me and Shadra. What of us? What am I expecting going up there? What is she expecting? What's will most likely happen?
The answer to all those questions as of right now is a resolute "I don't know."
I talked to her today. She called me to ask what time I'd be going up there. From the conversation, I gathered that she's still okay with the idea of me staying with her, and she shares my assumption that Angie and Jared are going to spend a lot of time together. Which will leave her with me. And she's cool with that.
In fact, over the phone today, she sounded happy. Happy with where she's at. Not as stressed about stuff as she used to be. Not as stressed about herself as she used to be. She just sounded happy and content.
That leaves me asking myself what I want out of this whole thing. And while I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not expecting anything, and that I just want to go up there and hang out with a couple of my good friends for a weekend, I know deep down that that's really not the case.
I mean seriously. Tonight, I spent an hour taking the most thorough shower that I've taken in a long time. And I spent another half hour in front of the bathroom mirror tweezing my goddamn brows. Which happens about once every three months, if that.
Do I REALLY believe that I'm not fishing for something to happen up there this weekend?
No.
I'm not that far into denial.
But I'm also determined to not push the envelope. Follow her cue, play it by ear. And if shit happens, great. If not, I really want to try my hardest to just hang out, be friends with her, drama free.
One can hope though.... we'll see.
Wish me luck folks.
Angie and Jared are obviously going to have a blissful reunion and spend the next few days on Cloud 9 together. That much is evident. But thinking about that made me wonder. About me and Shadra. What of us? What am I expecting going up there? What is she expecting? What's will most likely happen?
The answer to all those questions as of right now is a resolute "I don't know."
I talked to her today. She called me to ask what time I'd be going up there. From the conversation, I gathered that she's still okay with the idea of me staying with her, and she shares my assumption that Angie and Jared are going to spend a lot of time together. Which will leave her with me. And she's cool with that.
In fact, over the phone today, she sounded happy. Happy with where she's at. Not as stressed about stuff as she used to be. Not as stressed about herself as she used to be. She just sounded happy and content.
That leaves me asking myself what I want out of this whole thing. And while I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not expecting anything, and that I just want to go up there and hang out with a couple of my good friends for a weekend, I know deep down that that's really not the case.
I mean seriously. Tonight, I spent an hour taking the most thorough shower that I've taken in a long time. And I spent another half hour in front of the bathroom mirror tweezing my goddamn brows. Which happens about once every three months, if that.
Do I REALLY believe that I'm not fishing for something to happen up there this weekend?
No.
I'm not that far into denial.
But I'm also determined to not push the envelope. Follow her cue, play it by ear. And if shit happens, great. If not, I really want to try my hardest to just hang out, be friends with her, drama free.
One can hope though.... we'll see.
Wish me luck folks.
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