Monday, June 05, 2006
Figuring Shit Out
I went to Rennie's with her again last night. Hoping to maybe prod for clues to some of the questions that have been swimming around in my head. Clues I wanted? Clues I got.
See, the other girl she was there with was someone I knew from the paper and from one of my classes. Laura. And it turns out, she's as gay as I am. So we were talking about that for a long time.. (funny moment and the highlight of my evening was when Shadra left to go get a drink, and Laura and I were both talking about how we found her attractive. I couldn't help thinking that I haven't talked to a single person who has been able to tell me that they do NOT find her hot!)
But anyway, at one point, Laura went inside to the bar, leaving me alone with Shadra. And I was like "So where you sleeping tonight?" She said something about how it probably wouldn't be a good idea to leave her car where it was right now. I said she could get it and bring it over. And she said she'd probably just go home. So I asked if I could come with.
And here's when she looked at me and was like, "Not tonight. I think things have been getting kinda relationship-ish lately."
Bingo. That was the answer to the million dollar question.
Extended pause.
Then me, sort of playing dumb, "Why do you think that?"
"Because when you're seeing someone everyday, and you know where they are all the time, thats seems a lot like a relationship to me."
So that's exactly it. The reason she hasn't been texting me as much (if at all) this time around, and the reason she was all weird on Friday, and the reason she didn't return my text on Saturday night, is because she's making a concerted effort to draw boundaries and avoid doing anything that might lead me to think that we were in a relationship of any sort.
Which is both good and bad.
We left the bar at about 2:30. And just before we parted she pulled me into a hug and pecked me on the cheek, "I'll see you really soon I'm sure."
And we went home and exchanged some pretty interesting text messages. The kind that I would not publish. Ever.
So she still wants to see me. Obviously she still wants to sleep with me. But she doesn't want to date me. And that's nothing that I didn't already know. But at the same time, the very fact that she's making such measured steps to put distance between us makes me believe that she is into me but is trying not to be. Because she knows that if she just let go and let it flow, things would take a very 'relationshippy' turn.
See, the other girl she was there with was someone I knew from the paper and from one of my classes. Laura. And it turns out, she's as gay as I am. So we were talking about that for a long time.. (funny moment and the highlight of my evening was when Shadra left to go get a drink, and Laura and I were both talking about how we found her attractive. I couldn't help thinking that I haven't talked to a single person who has been able to tell me that they do NOT find her hot!)
But anyway, at one point, Laura went inside to the bar, leaving me alone with Shadra. And I was like "So where you sleeping tonight?" She said something about how it probably wouldn't be a good idea to leave her car where it was right now. I said she could get it and bring it over. And she said she'd probably just go home. So I asked if I could come with.
And here's when she looked at me and was like, "Not tonight. I think things have been getting kinda relationship-ish lately."
Bingo. That was the answer to the million dollar question.
Extended pause.
Then me, sort of playing dumb, "Why do you think that?"
"Because when you're seeing someone everyday, and you know where they are all the time, thats seems a lot like a relationship to me."
So that's exactly it. The reason she hasn't been texting me as much (if at all) this time around, and the reason she was all weird on Friday, and the reason she didn't return my text on Saturday night, is because she's making a concerted effort to draw boundaries and avoid doing anything that might lead me to think that we were in a relationship of any sort.
Which is both good and bad.
We left the bar at about 2:30. And just before we parted she pulled me into a hug and pecked me on the cheek, "I'll see you really soon I'm sure."
And we went home and exchanged some pretty interesting text messages. The kind that I would not publish. Ever.
So she still wants to see me. Obviously she still wants to sleep with me. But she doesn't want to date me. And that's nothing that I didn't already know. But at the same time, the very fact that she's making such measured steps to put distance between us makes me believe that she is into me but is trying not to be. Because she knows that if she just let go and let it flow, things would take a very 'relationshippy' turn.
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