The Steffiverse

Ok let's recap this weekend in reverse order:

General Update
Because the status of our apartment is still currently in flux, I refuse to go into any detail about Operation KTAPT yet. But I will say that the meeting with the girl who wants to live here next year actually looked pretty promising. She went as far as to say that if it was up to her, she would just let us have the apartment. But the catch is that she has to talk to her roommates and see if they're okay with that.

So I gave her my number, she said she'd call me. Now we're waiting with bated breath for her to do that.

Restraint
Last night, I met Britt and Angela for drinks, then left them to go pick up the boys and head over to Keir's party.

I arrived there with a carload of people from the Emerald — Parker, Jared, Ed, Tom, and Jared's friend Jan.We had a good time just hanging out, and when the party wound down, we ended up taking things over to Jared's. To summarize for brevity's sake, Ed and I ended up making out. And did that for most of the night.

At about 3am, I decided to go home. He decided to come with me. I guess he thought we'd end up spending the night together.

I pulled up in front of his place, and he tried to get me to come in. But somehow, I didn't want to. So I just told him that I was tired, and wanted to go to bed. And that he was drunk, but that he should call me the next day.

Then I left.

Got home. Was standing in the hall way talking to Red when Ed called. He was like "You should come over. We should hang out." I told him exactly what I'd told him before I'd dropped him off, and said good night.

So that was that.

Sexuality
Turning someone away is actually pretty new to me. I think in the past I would've been like "Sure, I'll come over." Last night. I stopped short. Because for one thing, I don't want to get a reputation as the newsroom hoe, and for another thing, I'm not ready to date someone in such close proximity to the other situation that I'm just coming to grips with quite yet.

I'm doing my best, and I've moved on. But on some level, I know I'm still holding out, still wondering that maybe, just maybe we've still got a shot at something–anything really— before she leaves for good. And I don't want to do anything to sabotage that smidgen of a chance.

The other thing that I realized with some concern last night was that Ed's a boy. And somehow things with him didn't feel quite as... dynamic... as things with girls. Or with A certain girl in particular.

I don't know what's going on with me. And I'm not even gonna pretend to try.