Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Mood Swings? Me? No, really?
Honestly, that's been me over the last couple of days. Really mood-swingy. Which is weird because I don't normally get like that.
I've spent the last couple of days journalling ferociously, and draining myself of the mental strength needed to follow up with a blog entry.
But basically, the update since the last entry consists of this:
1. Sunday night, we all hung out at Jared's. My girl actually came out to several people —something that I'm really proud of her for doing— and proceeded to make out with me in full view of anyone who might care to watch. Progress indeed. The flipside was the Ed decided that it'd be fun to come back home with us to her place and see if he could instigate a threesome. He was unsuccessful. We all ended up squished in the same bed, yes. But that's about as far as things got. We just went to bed, me cuddling with her.
2. Monday night. I was trying to finish some homework that was due Tuesday when she called at about 11pm to see if I wanted to go to Max's and get a beer with her. I went. We had a beer. She told me that now that she'd started telling people, the awkwardness that she'd formerly felt was gone. I ended up going home with her, and this time we had some fun alone.
So that's where we're at. Tuesday night, I slept in my own bed for the first time in about three days. Couldn't stop thinking about her all day Tuesday, which is exactly what motivated the mood swings and ferocious journalling.
See the thing is that I know we're not in a relationship. But I know also, that we're not just fuck buddies either. There are definitely emotions involved in this, and what I'm trying to figure out is where we, or I, go from here. There's no way I'm going to try and 'have a conversation' with her about this because it would probably just freak her out again.
I'm still working on that one.
But for right now, things are good. There's a discernible change in the dynamic between us, both in the office and out.
Today, I recieved a nice big smile when I walked into the office. And while we haven't been texting as much as we used to (actually she hasn't been replying my texts with as much frequency as she used to), I'm absolutely certain that if the ole' crew ends up going out on Thursday night, I won't be sleeping in my bed that night either. So there are some good parts. I just have to work out the kinks in my head.
And for a final piece of really good news: I got the sports reporter position that I applied for at the Emerald. Officially on staff for next year.
It's gonna be fun.
I've spent the last couple of days journalling ferociously, and draining myself of the mental strength needed to follow up with a blog entry.
But basically, the update since the last entry consists of this:
1. Sunday night, we all hung out at Jared's. My girl actually came out to several people —something that I'm really proud of her for doing— and proceeded to make out with me in full view of anyone who might care to watch. Progress indeed. The flipside was the Ed decided that it'd be fun to come back home with us to her place and see if he could instigate a threesome. He was unsuccessful. We all ended up squished in the same bed, yes. But that's about as far as things got. We just went to bed, me cuddling with her.
2. Monday night. I was trying to finish some homework that was due Tuesday when she called at about 11pm to see if I wanted to go to Max's and get a beer with her. I went. We had a beer. She told me that now that she'd started telling people, the awkwardness that she'd formerly felt was gone. I ended up going home with her, and this time we had some fun alone.
So that's where we're at. Tuesday night, I slept in my own bed for the first time in about three days. Couldn't stop thinking about her all day Tuesday, which is exactly what motivated the mood swings and ferocious journalling.
See the thing is that I know we're not in a relationship. But I know also, that we're not just fuck buddies either. There are definitely emotions involved in this, and what I'm trying to figure out is where we, or I, go from here. There's no way I'm going to try and 'have a conversation' with her about this because it would probably just freak her out again.
I'm still working on that one.
But for right now, things are good. There's a discernible change in the dynamic between us, both in the office and out.
Today, I recieved a nice big smile when I walked into the office. And while we haven't been texting as much as we used to (actually she hasn't been replying my texts with as much frequency as she used to), I'm absolutely certain that if the ole' crew ends up going out on Thursday night, I won't be sleeping in my bed that night either. So there are some good parts. I just have to work out the kinks in my head.
And for a final piece of really good news: I got the sports reporter position that I applied for at the Emerald. Officially on staff for next year.
It's gonna be fun.
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