Sunday, May 28, 2006
Mending Bridges
Saturday, 5/28/06 (I didn't get home in time to post it, but this if from Saturday night.)
I'm so happy right now I don't even know where to start.
Shadra and I are speaking again, and we've reached an understanding that I hope will work.
See after prom last night, I went to Max's to hang out with Tom. And she was there. For the first few minutes, we barely talked. But then she introduced me to the guy she was talking to as "my good friend Stef, who knows a lot more about me than most people." And suddenly, we were talking again.
Of course I should also say that what got the ball rolling was Friday night at Jared's, where we hung out for the first time in god knows how long. But it's not like we talked about 'us'.
Yesterday night however, we did talk about 'us'.
At one point, I found myself alone at the bar with her. And I said, "So are we cool? Because I know you were mad at me for a while."
She nodded, drinking. Then said that she hadn't been mad so much as she'd been scared of me. Scared of being alone with me, because she was afraid that I'd ask her questions she didn't have answers for.
And that's why when I cornered her that night, exactly three weeks ago, she freaked. Because that act seemed to affirm her belief that as long as she was still trying to figure all this stuff out, she really shouldn't be with anyone.
Anyway, last night. We didn't really talk much more than that because people kept interrupting, and I didn't want to push the point.
But the biggest flicker of hope while we were at the bar came later. We were squished into a booth with several other people and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
It gets better.
At the end of the night, I tried to offer her a ride home. But she said she'd walk because she's stubborn like that. So when I got home, I texted her "Walk safe. It was good talking to you. Good night."
Her text back infuses me with a surge of hope that hasn't left yet. "I'm so confused. Wish you were here."
I reply, "I kinda wish the same. Want me to go over?"
I go over. It's the fastest I've ever bolted out of my garage. She lets me in, we go up to her room and are lying side-by-side. We talk a little bit. She's telling me that she knows she fucked up with me. I tell her that I know I fucked up with her too.
And suddenly the space between us closes. Reunion is sweet, pure bliss.
The next morning, we get coffee together and talk for two hours. My friend is back. And she brought a little more with her.
The bottom line is that she's more comfortable with herself now, and while we're not in a relationship by any means, we're okay. Her thing is that she's decided she can sleep with women but can't date them because it doesn't work for her that way. And I think I'm okay with that.
Like I said, I have her back. That's really all that matters.
I'm so happy right now I don't even know where to start.
Shadra and I are speaking again, and we've reached an understanding that I hope will work.
See after prom last night, I went to Max's to hang out with Tom. And she was there. For the first few minutes, we barely talked. But then she introduced me to the guy she was talking to as "my good friend Stef, who knows a lot more about me than most people." And suddenly, we were talking again.
Of course I should also say that what got the ball rolling was Friday night at Jared's, where we hung out for the first time in god knows how long. But it's not like we talked about 'us'.
Yesterday night however, we did talk about 'us'.
At one point, I found myself alone at the bar with her. And I said, "So are we cool? Because I know you were mad at me for a while."
She nodded, drinking. Then said that she hadn't been mad so much as she'd been scared of me. Scared of being alone with me, because she was afraid that I'd ask her questions she didn't have answers for.
And that's why when I cornered her that night, exactly three weeks ago, she freaked. Because that act seemed to affirm her belief that as long as she was still trying to figure all this stuff out, she really shouldn't be with anyone.
Anyway, last night. We didn't really talk much more than that because people kept interrupting, and I didn't want to push the point.
But the biggest flicker of hope while we were at the bar came later. We were squished into a booth with several other people and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
It gets better.
At the end of the night, I tried to offer her a ride home. But she said she'd walk because she's stubborn like that. So when I got home, I texted her "Walk safe. It was good talking to you. Good night."
Her text back infuses me with a surge of hope that hasn't left yet. "I'm so confused. Wish you were here."
I reply, "I kinda wish the same. Want me to go over?"
I go over. It's the fastest I've ever bolted out of my garage. She lets me in, we go up to her room and are lying side-by-side. We talk a little bit. She's telling me that she knows she fucked up with me. I tell her that I know I fucked up with her too.
And suddenly the space between us closes. Reunion is sweet, pure bliss.
The next morning, we get coffee together and talk for two hours. My friend is back. And she brought a little more with her.
The bottom line is that she's more comfortable with herself now, and while we're not in a relationship by any means, we're okay. Her thing is that she's decided she can sleep with women but can't date them because it doesn't work for her that way. And I think I'm okay with that.
Like I said, I have her back. That's really all that matters.
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