The Steffiverse

Changing Tides
Today marked an official transition in my life. See I had to force myself to go to practice. For most of practice, all I could think about was quitting the team. After practice, I talked to Louisa about the possibility of me not finishing the rest of the season, and about the even greater possibility of me not playing next year.

I've agonized over this for a long time, and it's taken a lot for me to make the decision that I'm making tonight. But I've decided that I'm done. I'm not playing lacrosse next year. The way it looks right now, I might even opt to just finish my playing career by playing in the home tournament next weekend and not going to Texas with the team for nationals next month.

And somehow, I'm happy with that decision. My priorities have shifted. At first I tried to convince myself that I should just push on and finish up next year. I hate dropping things halfway through. And since I'd already come this far, why not just finish up next year too? But then I realized that I couldn't do it.

My heart's not in it anywhere. Before tonight, I hadn't played lacrosse in a week. I missed the tournament last weekend. And the disturbing part is that I didn't miss it. Not one bit. I didn't wish I was with the team. It really didn't matter.

And I guess that says a lot. Plus, Louisa also mentioned that they'd be making cuts next year to try and keep the team small. When I heard that, all the lingering doubts I'd had about not coming back next year simply vanished. To me, that was a sign. Because now, I wasn't just basing my decision on emotion. There was rationale added into the picture. What was the point of me setting aside time for lacrosse next year, and maybe dropping something else to fit that into my schedule, if I went to practice in the Fall and they cut me? It doesn't make good business sense.

So yeah. It's done. Unless something major happens, next Sunday is my last day as a real athlete and as part of that team. It's been a long road. Ten years in sports. Ten years. And it all ends here.

Lessons Learned
Know how I've always said that sports and writing are my two passions in life? Well I think one's just edged the other and THE main passion. Today made me realize that I absolutely love journalism. And I especially love sports journalism. Because more than any other type of journalism, sports journalism is about people. It's about emotion, and interaction.

And as a sports journalist, you have to have emotion, and you have to know how to interact with people. I've spent the last 24 hours chasing down two stories. One's a story idea that I came up with over the weekend and have been working on for a while. The other one just jumped out at me yesterday and piqued my curiosity.

Anna L., senior captain and the heart and soul of the tennis team, is off the team. When I talked to the coach yesterday, he refused to tell me why. I spent most of today trying to track Anna down. In the end, I lucked out when I ran into her as I was walking out of class at 4pm.

I just asked her straight out if she'd like to talk about why she was no longer with the team. At first she was reluctant to talk about it, and didn't want to put it in the paper. But when I persisted, she said she'd talk TO me. She'd tell me the story, but she'd have to think about whether she wanted it on the record.

So we sat down and talked. She told me the entire story. Amazing stuff that would make THE best story ever. It'd be my scoop. My crowning glory of an awesome season reporting with the tennis team. And then she told me she'd think about whether she wanted to go on the record, and call me to let me know.

Here's my point with that whole long anecdote: Throughout this season, I think I've had a pretty good relationship with Anna. We exchanged emails ocassionally, and were always candid with each other you know? And I feel like in this instance, that was what got me the story. She trusted me. And that was why she was willing to tell me everything, even if it was off the record.

I was hoping that she'd be willing to go on the record with that stuff, but she just emailed me to say that for now, she doesn't want to go public with it. Which sucks for me. I lose the story. But still, I got her to talk. So relationships are important in this game.

The other story that I've been working on is a huge feature-like piece on the problems with the guys tennis team and why they've been losing all season.

Here again, I think knowing my players and knowing who to talk to really gave me an edge in the game. I talked to Vlad over the weekend and asked him for his take on the matter. After hearing what he had to say, I knew I needed a comment from one of the three seniors on the team: Thomas, Markus and Arron.

I picked Thomas. And I had an amazing conversation with him this evening. He was so open, so candid. He put that story into my lap. Later on, because the opportunity presented itself, I caught up with Arron, and decided that it wouldn't hurt to talk to him too. So I did, asking him questions incredibly similar to those I'd asked Thomas.

I got nothing. Not nothing, but nothing useful in the context that I needed it. And I couldn't help thinking that if I hadn't bothered to get to know the guys, if I hadn't gained Thomas' trust throughout this season, and if I'd just gone to Arron straight up, I would probably have decided to drop my story.

Instead, my knowledge of the players as people once again got me somewhere. And now I have a huge 30-incher to put together for Friday's paper.

I love my job.