Saturday, March 04, 2006
Still Hanging in There
For once, I take pleasure in being able to say that I was wrong. She's not fucking with me, and she's not done with me yet. Instead, 16 days into this thing and counting, I think we actually reinforced our relationship (and I use that term loosely) after a really meaningful talk we had last night.
First off however, I finally got myself a fake ID. Paid my friend's roommate $40 for her to sell me her ID. And it worked. I used it at Rennie's last night when I went to meet Shadra.
Hung out with her and her friends at the bar for a little bit, then we went to my friend Jenn's 21st birthday party, where I proceeded to empty my guts of all the alcohol that I'd consumed at the bar. Ye-ah. I think I'd gotten a little TOO excited about getting my fake.
At any rate, Jenn's was a blast. The regular motley crew was there. Britt, A-Scog, Crystal, Angela, Lola, Erin, Alec. One of those fun parties where you pretty much know everyone in the room.
Then towards the end of the night, I was sitting on the couch next to Shadra and she said something about how she still didn't really understand her feelings for me, and couldn't figure out why she'd felt kinda jealous when she saw me dancing with Al earlier.
Me and Al dance dirty, always have, always will. We're just really good friends who like dancing together like that. Nothing to it. She's my good buddy.
But anyway, that jumpstarted this whole conversation about her discovering her sexuality, and about us in general.
Basically, I was both right and wrong with my assumptions about our thing this week. Yes, she was doing the straight-girl freak out. No, she wasn't playing games, and was actually very much still interested in this thing we seem to have going on.
She kept saying that she wanted me to know what she was still really confused, and that any mixed signals that came from her weren't of the mind-game variety, but were of general overall confusion on her part. She's still trying to figure everything out, and she's decided that she's not comfortable with anyone knowing yet, but at the same time she doesn't want to put me through this whole 'illicit affair' act because I'm already out, and she thinks that'd be really unfair to me.
So we just kinda worked through a lot of shit. I told her I did like her-- apparently something she'd been wondering about, which surprised me because I thought I'd made my interest abundantly clear.
As of right now, nothing has been resolved- because shit like that doesn't go away in 24 hours- but I think we have a better understanding of where each other is, and I know now that she really is trying to be honest with me, but that there's only so much she can tell me because she has no clue what she's doing anyway.
I'm actually feeling optimistic about this whole thing now.
First off however, I finally got myself a fake ID. Paid my friend's roommate $40 for her to sell me her ID. And it worked. I used it at Rennie's last night when I went to meet Shadra.
Hung out with her and her friends at the bar for a little bit, then we went to my friend Jenn's 21st birthday party, where I proceeded to empty my guts of all the alcohol that I'd consumed at the bar. Ye-ah. I think I'd gotten a little TOO excited about getting my fake.
At any rate, Jenn's was a blast. The regular motley crew was there. Britt, A-Scog, Crystal, Angela, Lola, Erin, Alec. One of those fun parties where you pretty much know everyone in the room.
Then towards the end of the night, I was sitting on the couch next to Shadra and she said something about how she still didn't really understand her feelings for me, and couldn't figure out why she'd felt kinda jealous when she saw me dancing with Al earlier.
Me and Al dance dirty, always have, always will. We're just really good friends who like dancing together like that. Nothing to it. She's my good buddy.
But anyway, that jumpstarted this whole conversation about her discovering her sexuality, and about us in general.
Basically, I was both right and wrong with my assumptions about our thing this week. Yes, she was doing the straight-girl freak out. No, she wasn't playing games, and was actually very much still interested in this thing we seem to have going on.
She kept saying that she wanted me to know what she was still really confused, and that any mixed signals that came from her weren't of the mind-game variety, but were of general overall confusion on her part. She's still trying to figure everything out, and she's decided that she's not comfortable with anyone knowing yet, but at the same time she doesn't want to put me through this whole 'illicit affair' act because I'm already out, and she thinks that'd be really unfair to me.
So we just kinda worked through a lot of shit. I told her I did like her-- apparently something she'd been wondering about, which surprised me because I thought I'd made my interest abundantly clear.
As of right now, nothing has been resolved- because shit like that doesn't go away in 24 hours- but I think we have a better understanding of where each other is, and I know now that she really is trying to be honest with me, but that there's only so much she can tell me because she has no clue what she's doing anyway.
I'm actually feeling optimistic about this whole thing now.
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