Saturday, March 11, 2006
Cruddy
That's how I'm feeling right now. This weekend's been tame so far, and it's gonna get even tamer yet because I'm inundated with lacrosse obligations that I really don't have time for, and have to work three different events for my two jobs. Plus I'm also worrying about WHAT the fuck I'm gonna come up with for my Enterprise reporting paper for my Reporting class.
Yes I believe stress is the order of the day. Goddammit.
And it doesn't help that a lot of my friends are outta town. Sully and Red aren't back from Mexico yet, and I miss them. And I've barely seen Lanti this week because she only got back from Napa with Nick on Monday, and left for the coast with Nick yesterday. I feel like I barely see her anymore. And it sucks because I miss her and know that the end is coming- two weeks till the end of term. Then its Spring Break, and then she's off to London.
With her its not so much the big things that I miss, its the little things. Like hanging out and stressing over homework together, getting together between classes to bitch about life. Random little things like that that we haven't done a lot this term because she's been doing it all with Nick. I guess I sound kinda jealous. But I'm really not. I'm just kinda sad you know? It's like I understand that they want to spend time together because of their relationship and the fact that they're gonna have to do the long distance thing for a while. But it doesn't make things any easier. And its frustrating because I know that no one can do a thing about the circumstances that we're stuck in.
This sucks. I'm not an insecure person, and I hate feeling this way. On two different fronts. I didn't see Shadra last night like I thought I might. I know she'd told me earlier this week that she had plans with some friends at like 8. And that's cool. But then I kinda got the impression that she'd come over later in the night, midnight-ish, 1-ish maybe, and that we'd hang out and maybe she'd spend the night.
I texted her yesterday at about 6 to see what was going on. When she replied she said she didn't know yet but that she'd call me once she got her plans all figured out. And she's normally pretty dependable about stuff like that-- when she says she'll call, she usually calls.
She didn't call. Close to 1am, I called her and ended up leaving a message 'cause she didn't pick up. So that's that. I've officially used up all my cards for the next 24 hours. Ball's in her court now and I'm just gonna sit back and wait and see if she calls me.
What sucks about this situation is that I was REALLY banking on seeing her last night. Because weekends are the only times that we really get to see each other since she's stuck at the paper from 5 till 2am every day. And tonight I've got to work a catering thing for lacrosse, and she's going on her police ridealong for Reporting, which will last till midnight. And then because it's her good friend Jared's birthday, fifty bucks says she'll end up at the bars with him till 2am.
And then on Sunday the whole fucking newspaper cycle starts again and she 'll be stuck at the paper all night. Monday nights are usually late paper nights, and on Wednesday night-- the 'good paper' night, I leave for Pepperdine with the team and don't get back till Sunday.
And then it's finals week. The paper stops, but we'll be busy with finals and all that shit and I'll be preoccupied with throwing Sarah's goodbye party, finishing my damn thesis, and then helping Sarah pack.
And I'm afraid that with a whole week's break in which I won't see her, I'll come back to school in the Spring with her having realized that she's done with the little experiment and she's dating men again.
Can you tell that I've put an obscenely unhealthy amount of thought into this? Again, I know I've overthinking things and that there's really nothing I can do. But it's been bugging the hell out of me.
Ugh.
Yes I believe stress is the order of the day. Goddammit.
And it doesn't help that a lot of my friends are outta town. Sully and Red aren't back from Mexico yet, and I miss them. And I've barely seen Lanti this week because she only got back from Napa with Nick on Monday, and left for the coast with Nick yesterday. I feel like I barely see her anymore. And it sucks because I miss her and know that the end is coming- two weeks till the end of term. Then its Spring Break, and then she's off to London.
With her its not so much the big things that I miss, its the little things. Like hanging out and stressing over homework together, getting together between classes to bitch about life. Random little things like that that we haven't done a lot this term because she's been doing it all with Nick. I guess I sound kinda jealous. But I'm really not. I'm just kinda sad you know? It's like I understand that they want to spend time together because of their relationship and the fact that they're gonna have to do the long distance thing for a while. But it doesn't make things any easier. And its frustrating because I know that no one can do a thing about the circumstances that we're stuck in.
This sucks. I'm not an insecure person, and I hate feeling this way. On two different fronts. I didn't see Shadra last night like I thought I might. I know she'd told me earlier this week that she had plans with some friends at like 8. And that's cool. But then I kinda got the impression that she'd come over later in the night, midnight-ish, 1-ish maybe, and that we'd hang out and maybe she'd spend the night.
I texted her yesterday at about 6 to see what was going on. When she replied she said she didn't know yet but that she'd call me once she got her plans all figured out. And she's normally pretty dependable about stuff like that-- when she says she'll call, she usually calls.
She didn't call. Close to 1am, I called her and ended up leaving a message 'cause she didn't pick up. So that's that. I've officially used up all my cards for the next 24 hours. Ball's in her court now and I'm just gonna sit back and wait and see if she calls me.
What sucks about this situation is that I was REALLY banking on seeing her last night. Because weekends are the only times that we really get to see each other since she's stuck at the paper from 5 till 2am every day. And tonight I've got to work a catering thing for lacrosse, and she's going on her police ridealong for Reporting, which will last till midnight. And then because it's her good friend Jared's birthday, fifty bucks says she'll end up at the bars with him till 2am.
And then on Sunday the whole fucking newspaper cycle starts again and she 'll be stuck at the paper all night. Monday nights are usually late paper nights, and on Wednesday night-- the 'good paper' night, I leave for Pepperdine with the team and don't get back till Sunday.
And then it's finals week. The paper stops, but we'll be busy with finals and all that shit and I'll be preoccupied with throwing Sarah's goodbye party, finishing my damn thesis, and then helping Sarah pack.
And I'm afraid that with a whole week's break in which I won't see her, I'll come back to school in the Spring with her having realized that she's done with the little experiment and she's dating men again.
Can you tell that I've put an obscenely unhealthy amount of thought into this? Again, I know I've overthinking things and that there's really nothing I can do. But it's been bugging the hell out of me.
Ugh.
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