Thursday, March 23, 2006
Crashing
Somehow it's not quite as easy to stay optimistic after night fall when I'm in an empty apartment, it's all quiet, and I have about 13 pages to write for the rest of the night. That and the fact that it seems like everyone's already left for Spring Break.
Not hard to get the illusion that I'm the last person left on Earth typing away on my damn laptop and cursing my lonely self for having procrastinated as much as I have.
Kara left this afternoon. For Hawaii. I saw Crystal for a few minutes when she came over to say hi during her break from work. And I left over to Lanti's for an hour to help her pack. But otherwise, I'm feeling pretty disconnected, and morale is rapidly crashing.
And all of a sudden, it seems like the people who've mattered a lot in my life are transitioning out of my life. Me, Lanti and Nick were at Montia's earlier, moving Lanti's desk and a couple of other pieces of furniture into her place. As we got leaving, Montia mentioned that me and her should watch Grey's this Sunday and remember Lanti.
And she got all teary eyed. Which almost set me off, because I suddenly realized that this was it. There won't be anymore Sunday nights at Lanti's watching Grey's over Indian food.
Everything started to settle in, I felt my own morale crashing, and I wanted to cry too. Which is why I said a quick goodbye to them and bolted down the stairs to wait by the car. I don't need to get emotional tonight when I've got this much work ahead of me.
It's kinda hard though. And I keep wanting to text Shadra just to say hi. But I already did that once today, and there's no way I'm gonna lower myself enough to do it again. We're done. Over. I just need to let that settle. I'm sure the sense of loss will ease eventually.
God I just want this term to be fucking over.
Not hard to get the illusion that I'm the last person left on Earth typing away on my damn laptop and cursing my lonely self for having procrastinated as much as I have.
Kara left this afternoon. For Hawaii. I saw Crystal for a few minutes when she came over to say hi during her break from work. And I left over to Lanti's for an hour to help her pack. But otherwise, I'm feeling pretty disconnected, and morale is rapidly crashing.
And all of a sudden, it seems like the people who've mattered a lot in my life are transitioning out of my life. Me, Lanti and Nick were at Montia's earlier, moving Lanti's desk and a couple of other pieces of furniture into her place. As we got leaving, Montia mentioned that me and her should watch Grey's this Sunday and remember Lanti.
And she got all teary eyed. Which almost set me off, because I suddenly realized that this was it. There won't be anymore Sunday nights at Lanti's watching Grey's over Indian food.
Everything started to settle in, I felt my own morale crashing, and I wanted to cry too. Which is why I said a quick goodbye to them and bolted down the stairs to wait by the car. I don't need to get emotional tonight when I've got this much work ahead of me.
It's kinda hard though. And I keep wanting to text Shadra just to say hi. But I already did that once today, and there's no way I'm gonna lower myself enough to do it again. We're done. Over. I just need to let that settle. I'm sure the sense of loss will ease eventually.
God I just want this term to be fucking over.
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