Thursday, February 09, 2006
Life, Loss, Leaving
Sarah got her internship in London. This Spring. She leaves in April.
She called me this morning, and that was one thing I was definitely not expecting to hear.
Not that I'm not happy for her. I really am. She wanted it so badly. And she worked so hard on that damn application. So it's awesome that she got it and that she's gonna be living her dream life in London. I'm incredibly excited for her. And I know that if I were in her position, I'd be ecstatic.
But at the same time, the one sticking point that I keep coming back to in my head is exactly that. That she's leaving. That in five weeks, life is going to be a whole lot different from what it is right now.
That she's gone in five weeks.
That hit me a milisecond right after the joy I went through at the moment she told me. And suddenly it was like wow, I can't believe this is happening.
And then it was like wow, I think I'm gonna cry. (I didn't really cry because I was at the EMU, standing amidst like a gazillion people, and I didn't exactly relish the idea of looking like some psycho chick. But the urge was there. Believe me.)
But Sarah's leaving.
This is exactly how I felt when Kryssie left for Perth when I was 14. For want of a better word, the initial realization is really just paralysing. Because when you realize that someone who's such a big part of your life is going to be gone in a few weeks, there's this sudden gripping panic that overcomes you. Kinda how I felt when I was lying in bed the night before I boarded the frigging plane to come over here.
Sarah's leaving.
Such is the transient nature of life I guess. Especially college life. People come. People go. You just have to suck it up and deal with it.
I'm so fucking happy for her right now. Yet at the same time there's this massive knot in my gut. I feel like this isn't really happening. But it really is
I marvel at how anyone can experience two completely polarizing emotions so intensely at the same time.
She called me this morning, and that was one thing I was definitely not expecting to hear.
Not that I'm not happy for her. I really am. She wanted it so badly. And she worked so hard on that damn application. So it's awesome that she got it and that she's gonna be living her dream life in London. I'm incredibly excited for her. And I know that if I were in her position, I'd be ecstatic.
But at the same time, the one sticking point that I keep coming back to in my head is exactly that. That she's leaving. That in five weeks, life is going to be a whole lot different from what it is right now.
That she's gone in five weeks.
That hit me a milisecond right after the joy I went through at the moment she told me. And suddenly it was like wow, I can't believe this is happening.
And then it was like wow, I think I'm gonna cry. (I didn't really cry because I was at the EMU, standing amidst like a gazillion people, and I didn't exactly relish the idea of looking like some psycho chick. But the urge was there. Believe me.)
But Sarah's leaving.
This is exactly how I felt when Kryssie left for Perth when I was 14. For want of a better word, the initial realization is really just paralysing. Because when you realize that someone who's such a big part of your life is going to be gone in a few weeks, there's this sudden gripping panic that overcomes you. Kinda how I felt when I was lying in bed the night before I boarded the frigging plane to come over here.
Sarah's leaving.
Such is the transient nature of life I guess. Especially college life. People come. People go. You just have to suck it up and deal with it.
I'm so fucking happy for her right now. Yet at the same time there's this massive knot in my gut. I feel like this isn't really happening. But it really is
I marvel at how anyone can experience two completely polarizing emotions so intensely at the same time.
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