Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Maturing
All the anger and hurt that came with Sunday's mind games has now ebbed. Replaced by regret, disappointment, and a realization that sometimes, patience really is a virtue.
See I realize now that dating's like a 100m sprint. If you shoot off the blocks with too much, you'll die before the end. This whole thing was Sheena would have gone a lot better if I'd kept my patience in check instead of going for broke on the first night like I always do.
Because that's my problem. I want to go all out with everything. And sometimes that definitely screws me over. Because sometimes when it comes to relationships, you have to get to know one another. Take it slow. Not jump into bed the first opportunity that you get and expect things to just fall into place after. Apparently relationships cannot exist through passion alone. I only just got the memo.
I talked to Sheena at Jen's party last night. And we talked again this morning. The whole thing was really just a massive miscommunication on the part of two rookies who had no idea in hell what the fuck they were doing. I thought she wanted something. She actually wanted something else. So when I didn't see the signals for what I thought she wanted, I started to think she was a tease. And then the whole convoluted thing just unfolds.
Basically she told me last night that at this point, she really likes me but she just wants to be friends. Because we went too fast, and its kind of overwhelming. And she's just coming out for real, she doesn't know what she wants yet, and doesn't want to hurt me by fuckin with me when she's not sure of what she wants.
And I understand all that. I understand perfectly because that's where I was less than a year ago. Last Winter to be exact. So I know exactly where she's coming from. It just kinda bites because I was hoping she'd be the person who took me from "single and looking" to "taken, thank you."
Because I liked her. Like actually. Still do. In many ways we're incredibly similar personality-wise. We're on the exact same page on the inside in how we feel about relationships and stuff like that. But I guess sometimes timing matters.
I told her that I really liked her and that if she ever changed her mind or decided she wanted to take things in another direction, I'd be here waiting.
I fucked up this time. I was the sober one Saturday night. If I'd stopped things at the appropriate level, we'd still be doing the flirting dance right now. We'd progress slowly. And everything would be fine. But instead, I had to go out and be impatient and go for broke as I always do, and in doing so, I lost my chance with the girl that I really really really like. Smart move. Guess we all have to learn sometime.
Everytime you think your development is complete, life throws you a curveball that makes you sit up and realize just how much you have left to learn. I thought I was finally done with the whole coming-out process. Nope. This incident clearly shows that I have a lot left to learn.
See I realize now that dating's like a 100m sprint. If you shoot off the blocks with too much, you'll die before the end. This whole thing was Sheena would have gone a lot better if I'd kept my patience in check instead of going for broke on the first night like I always do.
Because that's my problem. I want to go all out with everything. And sometimes that definitely screws me over. Because sometimes when it comes to relationships, you have to get to know one another. Take it slow. Not jump into bed the first opportunity that you get and expect things to just fall into place after. Apparently relationships cannot exist through passion alone. I only just got the memo.
I talked to Sheena at Jen's party last night. And we talked again this morning. The whole thing was really just a massive miscommunication on the part of two rookies who had no idea in hell what the fuck they were doing. I thought she wanted something. She actually wanted something else. So when I didn't see the signals for what I thought she wanted, I started to think she was a tease. And then the whole convoluted thing just unfolds.
Basically she told me last night that at this point, she really likes me but she just wants to be friends. Because we went too fast, and its kind of overwhelming. And she's just coming out for real, she doesn't know what she wants yet, and doesn't want to hurt me by fuckin with me when she's not sure of what she wants.
And I understand all that. I understand perfectly because that's where I was less than a year ago. Last Winter to be exact. So I know exactly where she's coming from. It just kinda bites because I was hoping she'd be the person who took me from "single and looking" to "taken, thank you."
Because I liked her. Like actually. Still do. In many ways we're incredibly similar personality-wise. We're on the exact same page on the inside in how we feel about relationships and stuff like that. But I guess sometimes timing matters.
I told her that I really liked her and that if she ever changed her mind or decided she wanted to take things in another direction, I'd be here waiting.
I fucked up this time. I was the sober one Saturday night. If I'd stopped things at the appropriate level, we'd still be doing the flirting dance right now. We'd progress slowly. And everything would be fine. But instead, I had to go out and be impatient and go for broke as I always do, and in doing so, I lost my chance with the girl that I really really really like. Smart move. Guess we all have to learn sometime.
Everytime you think your development is complete, life throws you a curveball that makes you sit up and realize just how much you have left to learn. I thought I was finally done with the whole coming-out process. Nope. This incident clearly shows that I have a lot left to learn.
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