Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Throwing in the Towel
I'm kinda down today, and I have no idea why. It's not like my day started badly or anything, it just ended on a stagnant note I guess.
We had practice tonight, for the first time in like a week. And it was one of those days where I just wasn't feeling it. Couldn't get in the groove. Wasn't enjoying it. Was pretty resentful at the ever-increasingly obvious segregation between 'A' Team players and the 'B' Team.
You see, I've come to the realization that I'm fed up. For two years now I've tried my goddamn hardest to try to integrate myself into the group and look as if I'm having a jolly good time with them.
But there are some people in that group whom I really can't stand. I think I've stopped trying to be friends with them. I just got sick of trying. And it's when you stop trying and stop caring that you're finally able to sit back and survey with a detached eye. And that's when you realize how ridiculously phony some of those girls are.
Plus it's not something that's gonna end. Its a cycle that fucking perpetrates itself. The freshmen look at some of the upperclassmen on the 'A' Team and decide that they're gonna act that way too. So what you get in the end is a whole bunch of pretentious brats.
And I'm sick of trying to integrate myself into that. I'm not like them, and no longer care to try and be like them.
I say fuck it all.
I love lacrosse. And I love some of the people on my team. I know that as much as I bitch about it, I could never give it up because playing is something that runs through me. It makes me tick. But sometimes many people on that team just make me want to fucking strangle them.
We had practice tonight, for the first time in like a week. And it was one of those days where I just wasn't feeling it. Couldn't get in the groove. Wasn't enjoying it. Was pretty resentful at the ever-increasingly obvious segregation between 'A' Team players and the 'B' Team.
You see, I've come to the realization that I'm fed up. For two years now I've tried my goddamn hardest to try to integrate myself into the group and look as if I'm having a jolly good time with them.
But there are some people in that group whom I really can't stand. I think I've stopped trying to be friends with them. I just got sick of trying. And it's when you stop trying and stop caring that you're finally able to sit back and survey with a detached eye. And that's when you realize how ridiculously phony some of those girls are.
Plus it's not something that's gonna end. Its a cycle that fucking perpetrates itself. The freshmen look at some of the upperclassmen on the 'A' Team and decide that they're gonna act that way too. So what you get in the end is a whole bunch of pretentious brats.
And I'm sick of trying to integrate myself into that. I'm not like them, and no longer care to try and be like them.
I say fuck it all.
I love lacrosse. And I love some of the people on my team. I know that as much as I bitch about it, I could never give it up because playing is something that runs through me. It makes me tick. But sometimes many people on that team just make me want to fucking strangle them.
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