The Steffiverse

John called at 8pm. We talked for a while, with him telling me how one of the OSU lacrosse girls was a friend of his. Just talking to him like that, I almost lost my nerve to do the needful. But I decided to bite the bullet and just go for it. Basically I just told him what I've been telling all you guys here: That this isn't going anywhere, and we'd be better off as friends. That I really didn't want to lead him on. Blah blah. You get my gist.

He was quiet for a long while. And all he said was, "How long have you been thinking about this?" "Since the last time we talked." I told him. Another long pause. I repeated my line about how I sincerely wanted to stay friends-- and I really do. We have so much in common, it'd be a shame to just cut each other off like that. He was quiet again. Then he said, "Ok. I have to go now."

So that was that. I must admit that after we hung up, I did feel a lingering sadness. There was that twinge of nostalgia. I did like this guy, and I AM sorry that things didn't work out. But above the nostalgia and guilt there was this huge overwhelming sense of tangible relief. Relief that it was over. I no longer had to deal with his drama. I'm swinging single again. Free to date whoever I want. Free to kiss whoever I want. And not have to feel guilty about it.

I guess life is good. Either that or I'm just amazingly resilient. Whichever way, I think I am happier at having made this decision, and ultimately, that's all that really matters.